Advice for Women: Is Your Tweet Ready to Send?

8 easy tips for how to Tweet as a woman

Listen up, ladies!

The internet has changed all of our lives. Social media is no exception, but if you’re going to talk about stuff that’s important to you on Twitter, it’s important to know how to triage your thoughts so you don’t incite the ire of men.

We’ve put men in charge of the internet because they seem so good at maintaining a calm head when they are challenged on their opinions.

We know you’re probably only going on Twitter to get recipes from your friends or announce your pregnancy, but what if you decide you have an opinion on something? Here are some handy tips to make sure your Tweets will not be challenged:

1. Is your Tweet about a non girly hobby? You’re on the edge of the Danger Zone, girl! (ed. note: “Danger Zone” is from a men’s movie in the ’80s.) Women have a domain over knowledge about knitting, trying on bras, reality TV (exceptions: “Bar Rescue” or shows about historical swords) and celebrity gossip. If you’re looking to Tweet about video games, kindly ask a local man for advice.

2. Sports: Men have this pretty under control.

 

3. Entertainment: Finally some good news! Women are free to Tweet about any kinds of entertainment they like as long as the font on the poster is pink or purple. (Avoid reds and blues — this usually indicates a movie or game made for men so they will likely know more about what those movies are about).

You might think Tweeting your excitement about a game or movie is OK… Not so fast. Did you ask a man if the explosions were believable?

4. News: Did you see a news story about a dancing chicken? Tweet it with impunity. See a news story about how tampons are expensive? Not so fast — men have to buy things too!

5. Is your Tweet about politics? Are you even listening to this advice?

6. Fashion: Here we go, ladies! Is your Tweet going to be about a designer? Proceed. Many men don’t want to be seen knowing names of designers, so you’re probably safe.

Want to Tweet about whether an item of clothing is revealing? This is up to a man’s determination, since they’re the primary consumers of women’s bodies — just contact your nearest male to vet your Tweet.

7. Lived Experiences: Did you do something, or did something happen to you today? Are you sure? This may be OK Tweet fodder, but first recount your story to a man. This will help determine whether it’s believable or you’re “just a crazy bitch.”

8. Jokes: Ah, finally the fun stuff. Tweeting an original joke is a cute idea! But wanna really spread some humor? Re-tweet a man with a Cartman avatar!

We’re all in this crazy social media world together, gals. Let’s make Twitter easier on ourselves by making life easier for the men who toil on there daily.